Posted on: January 31, 2008 by Syzlak
Aww shit. I don’t have many like-like links this month. So I’ll take care of the two most important issues facing our society today (yes I’m getting political).
1. This poor girl needs a lot of help, and I think we should all pitch in and do our part. Remember what she hate have, guys. So no sexually messages.
2. Super Tuesday’s around the corner…well after Super Sunday that is. What will we do on Mediocre Monday?
3. Reason #274 why I like Chipotle – They were playing “Swingin’ Party” by The Replacements when I walked in for lunch the other day.
All right, I know it was anticlimactic, oh well. There are your like-like links for the month of January.
Posted on: January 29, 2008 by Syzlak
I’d be a better public speaker.
Sorry I’ve been out of the blogosphere lately, but I’ve been absolutely swamped at work, whilst trying to get more material worked up for some thought out posts (yes SEOHack, sometimes posts can be well planned and funny). So, what’s up with the influx of work?
Is anyone else experiencing this shit? I mean, come on. I went to most of my classes for 17 years (do the math) in order to get a decent job where I could just look annoyed and busy every time someone walked past my office. I’ve successfully climbed up and then over and then slightly down and then diagonally up two rungs by three rungs in order to have a job that prevents me from working and from losing my job. So, why all the work? It’s really a pain in the ass.
Did you see that I had to hire that ass-clown Search Master Steve just to fill in on off days? It’s a damn travesty! The guy shows up everyday in that same v-neck sweater without combing his goddamn hair. Then, then, then, it’s my fucking fault he doesn’t know how to spell. When I read the “Get Your Own Search Master Steve!” pamphlet from MSN, there was no mention that he may be damaged.
Speaking of damaged, he also has a slight odor. I looked online (ASK.com search: How come my “Search Master Steve” has a noticeable odor? Kind of like tandoori soaked cherries.)
So, that’s where Syzlak’s been… at work. In all honesty, I think I’m really feeling the pressure of the struggling economy, how about anyone else? Is 2008 off to a rough start for y’all too?
Posted on: January 23, 2008 by Search Master Steve
Hey! Search Master Steve here. I’m just checking in to see if I can interest you kids into trying out Live Search for the next 30 days. Why Live Search? I’ll tell you why.
Unlike those pricey search engines (Yahoo, Magellan, Excite…) we’re offering a free 30 day trial to anyone who qualifies.* That’s right, for the next 30 days, you can experience the quality of our Live Search free of charge! Getting tired of seeing Wikipedia listings coming up number 1? Maybe you should hop on over to the Live Search.
At Live Search we don’t pander to Wikipedia. We don’t use Paid Inclusion. We don’t keep our SERPs in the same format, allowing for a familiar experience. We don’t care about retaining you as a user. We don’t have fancy gadgets or predictive text in our searches. In fact, we have a saying around the office:
It’s not for us, whether or not it’s for you!
Want even more proof of how cool we can be? Hop on over and search for dude. I hope you like what we’ve done for ya. That’s right, we’ve made it really easy to find both “hot” and “straight” dudes! Just look to the right, where we offer related searches. Sure, some search engines would put ads there; but at Live Search, we don’t have time for advertisers and revenue — and neither do you.
Want vertical search? Probably not, most people don’t think they do…but you’re getting it anyway! From that same search just hit the image button above the results. No, not above the title: Web Results, above the actual results. No below the search box. Yeah, right there above the first listing.
See, nice eh? Lotsa pictures of fat naked dudes. Tell me how often you see that on Excite!
–Steve
*free trial is restricted to the following: teachers, students, single mothers, and people that still use the Oxford comma. Only those users with a Premium membership to the Windows Live Search will be eligible to become a teacher, or single mother. If at any time any member of the qualifying party becomes both a teacher and student, teacher and single mother, teacher and user of the Oxford comma, student and single mother, student and user of the Oxford comma, or single mother and user of the Oxford comma, they successfully void their former qualifications.
Posted on: January 18, 2008 by Syzlak
Earlier this week I had a quick thought about the site 1on40. I believe that thought was “bullshit.” A little later that same day, I found a restupulous post about how to increase web traffic through forums. A few days ago, the SEM community was abuzz with the now legendary SEL v. Wired v. Johnon v. SEOmoz v. MVanDeMar v. SEL.
What happened? Here we have 3 examples of some shady-assed shit going down in what was slowly becoming a respected industry. On the SEL v. Wired issue, I sit in the middle. I don’t think it was such a hot idea to post a “how-to” that essentially (I know it wasn’t the intent…) suggested people hit Wired for a link. While many of us probably read this post and were somewhat intrigued, there were most likely many more that jumped at the opportunity to spam Wired for clicks. The subsequent backlash from the SEM community prompted much debate and thankfully changes to the site, article, etc.
The trouble is, many members of the community were upset that such a post was made in the first place. The problem for most of the community was that the article made us (SEL members, semi-responsible interactive marketers 
) look like bottom dwelling miscreants willing to exploit any loophole for personal and professional gain. It made us look like spammers & cheats, as does 1on40.com.
1on40 promises to propel your site to the top of Google. How can they do that?!??!? They’re glad you asked
We do NOT:
- cheat search engines
- trick search engines
- create any sort of doorway pages
- create dodgy links
- make mistakes that jeopardise your site
- change any code on your site
- redirect
- get YOU banned from search engines
- divulge how we get your web site to the 1st result of GOOGLE + 39 BUT… we do! And for FREE…
We do:
- get you to 1st result on the TOP 40 search engines to include GOOGLE & YAHOO
- take your web site to NUMBER ONE for 5 keywords
Well shit dawg! After you’ve hit number 1 (which, if you’re not familiar with the Google, you may never do) then they’ll let you sit atop Google et. al. for a week before charging you to bid on 5 keywords. I must admit that of all the restupulous SEO schemes out there, this one is well thought out. I mean, it’s bullshit, but it’s well thought out. Just look at the, rather long, list of directories, engines, etc. that they submit your site too!
Thank God they submit to james, jimmy and Juicy Babes! I’ve had the hardest time getting respect for my site, but now that I have jimmy and the Juicy Babes working for me, I’m golden! Do you not know jimmy? That guy’s bat shit crazy about ranking and won’t stop till he sees your site hit number 1.
Oh, by the way, they also submit to Inktomi, so if you really need to rank well on the Wayback Machine’s index of MSN listings from 2002 then you’re set.
As for the other post I referenced earlier, “How to increase your web site traffic through forums.” Didn’t we do this? Isn’t this just one of the reasons why we have rel=no follow? Doesn’t everyone hate people like this? This just isn’t cool. Couple that with the fact that most of the forums that are used as examples in his post are porn, and you have a very poorly researched/thought out article.
Speaking of which, porn! That’s the market we all need to be in on. Let’s see how your Christian Supply URLs in your signature please your client. Way to go ass clown!
Oh Syzlak, chill it around! These sites are just poor examples of bad characters that you happened to stumble upon. There’s no reason to worry.
You’re right, I did StumbleUpon (see what I did there?) these sites (not SEL mind you) and my professional account is filtered to only show me sites with advertising, search, internet and liquor (again, that’s a prerequisite right?). Which means that people interested in the same categories felt that these posts were important enough to “thumb up.” Through inference, we can assume that the shady marketer is again on the rise…
Posted on: January 17, 2008 by Syzlak
Restupulous
New word was coined today when I saw $15 shipping on a $25 item – restupulous
Older Entries
