Syzlak’s SEM

Through the Eyes of Regret

Posted on: September 12, 2008 by Syzlak

I’d set out to post this.  That’s the thing about comedy (and although these posts are remarkably darker than my norm, I’m still think comedy first), people say that timing is important; however, too often they forget about the setup. One of my favorite bits is my impersonation of Bea Arthur, the thing is, it’s all in the setup. The bit can be done in 5 seconds, but it’s more humorous over 2 minutes. With this in mind…

Many of you weren’t probably raised Catholic. I was. Couple that with parents that were overly protective and a conscious that was overly active (and paranoid and negative and cynical and…) and you have me…or more accurately, my mind. That being said, guilt and regret seem to play a larger role in my life than they do in others. One of my friends shares this problem with me and he put it best one night when we were being far too honest with each other.

You know what I realized?  I’m a horrible person!  And the problem with that, is that I only remember the horrible things I do.

So true.

Everyday of my life is filled with joy; unfortunately, I have no recollection of these feelings. Instead, my days consist of flashbacks to the days of yore where I’m insulting a group of parents in elementary school, pissing on the front-side of a building on St. Patrick’s day, kicking my girlfriend out of my apartment so that I could drink alone, gorging myself on Little Debbie snack cakes, telling one of my best friends that he is a leech and that no one likes him, killing hobos, writing that post the other day that convinced people I was quitting, alienating friends and family to no gain, and countless other times where what I regret is what I didn’t do.

This is me from day to day, and it always has been. The person that you trust, but never understand why he wouldn’t trust himself; the person that you give a chance to, only to end up humiliated by proxy. Hi, let’s be friends!

The advantage of this situation (here comes the after school special part…), is held within (see). Sure, we all learn from mistakes, but I’ve always thought that the mistakes we learn best from are the ones we see ourselves repeat. I’m not going to learn right off the bat not to put salt in my eyes, but after a couple times trying it, maybe I do.

Eh, maybe I don’t.

Point being, I’ve learned that I remember my own regret, far more so than the good things that happen to me. Thus, I’ve learned to do things right; not through trial and error, but through error and error and then eventual trial and success. It takes longer, but it works for me. I suppose it’s similar to the driving force for so many people to “never give up.” Although, I don’t think that works for people like me. My problem was never one of willpower – sadly, I have too much of willpower for someone so afflicted by their own shortcomings. It’s more of a “get it right” stance that I take, like when Vanessa had to do a science project for her new advanced science class. That shit was ugly!!! So she fixed it (I don’t think the writers were “on” that day).

Moral of the story: What? I forgot what we were doing here. Well, shit, you know more about Syzlak now…so there’s that.